Disease and Fear

Disease

I have this thing that’s very contagious. It’s called stupidity.

As I speak, the words that flow between these subtle lips are caked in it. Nothing makes sense. Nothing fits together. Nothing works. Just words, bland and simple and dipped in monotone, that are pointless.

My arguments hold no weight because of this disease that plagues me. This thing that consumes my mouth.

I fight to keep my voice raised above everyone else’s, dare I lower it they might notice. I can’t let them notice. I can’t let them hear the truth. I can’t show them how stupid I really truly am.



Fear

I can feel the temperature rise as my face floods with the light red of anger. ‘Bite your tongue,’ sings my inner being. ‘Be calm. Join me in serenity.’

I take two deep breaths and look over as her phone vibrates with another text. Another little screen filled hatred and biting words. The screen aimed for the heart, and strike it it did. Every time there was a text like this that was received, it aimed for the heart and it struck.

My heart swelled in my chest and my hands shook with the urge to wrap around the phone, crushing it. Tonight was NOT the night. I took a deep breath as my inner being sang again, ‘Think of blue skies beyond this. This is one instance in your life, and in the blink of an eye this experience will be over.’

Another vibration. Another jabbing text. Every word dipped in the lovely concoction of jealousy, envy, and confusion. I bite my lip. I ball up my fist. I raise it quickly. And I bring it down with a sharp snap as it slams against my thigh.

I repeat this process several more times before I stop and breathe deeply.

‘Don’t harm yourself,’ the being chirps, ‘Certainly this other isn’t worth it.’

But the texts continue. My anger rises.

And in the blink of an eye, there he is. Standing still. Smiling at me.

“Welcome, friend,” he coos. “Welcome to fear.”